you.left.me.alone

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

8:24 PM
but you never came...

i take back my words...

im still not forgetting him...

i msged him last night...

and the replies i got realie hurt me too deep..

worse than the time he broke with me..

he made me realised what a fool i am..

the 6th time we were together...

it was all fake...

that bloody piece of crap faked me...

he alreadie dint haf any more feelings for me..

but yet he stead with me..

what is this man?!

u tink im realie a toy izit?!

u were getting back with exther alreadie..

why the hell do u hafta lie to me..

why the hell did u still stead with me?!

u were thinking that i would feel better?!

thought that its better for me?!

shit hell NO....

i couldnt sleep..

stayed up till 2+..

ust couldnt sleep..

i tried closing my eyes..

but tears were the only stuff that resulted..

and the wet pillows...

i dun feel tired or sleepy anymore...

just couldnt sleep..

i got up...

went to the toilet and cut myself..

sorry friends..

i did that..

those were realie cuts...

i guess it is realie time to let go..

he told me that altho he n exther couldnt be together everyday

their feelings for each other has never changed..

i noe..

he realie loves her alot...

he's never gonna let her go anymore..

he lost her once..

i tink he had realie regretted...

i hope he would realie hold her tight and never let go...

dun hurt any more gals...

he said he love her with all his heart

and she love him with all her heart...

he could feel her love..

she could feel his....

i guess they would realie last...

i hope that they could last..

i noe i'll regret what i said..

but i realie dun wan another gal to receive the kinda hurt i did...

he said he isnt realie a flirt like what others see him..

i noe...

i can tell...

he said he dint treat me like how he treated his other gals..

i noe...

i can feel...

u never treated me as ur gal...

u never woke me up before it was all too late...

u shld have...

at least give me time to make it up...

give me time to try again...

but u never woken me up till now...

till now that it was all too late...

WHY?

am i realie not worth waking up?

not worth u giving me time to realise the hurt i actualie did to u?!

i dun wanna tink too much....

i realie wanna thank another guy...

he duno im doing this...

he dint noe he actualie did this...

he cheered me up when i was down..

he encouraged me...

he made me realise im not the only fool who believes in love..

he made me realise that guys can also be determine when it comes to love..

he made my heart feel lighter this morning...

when he came up to me...

im sorry..

i was in a daze...

thinking of what that happened laz night...

i realie dint noe it as u....

THANKS ULRIC...

u dint noe u actualie did so much changes in my life did u?

hahaX~

THANK YOU....

Sunday, May 22, 2005

5:03 PM
but you never came...

i guess im forgetting him..

im not as dependent as before..
im no longer looking into his class everyday..
no longer crying to sleep..
no longer jealous seeing him with another gal...

i may be deceiving myself..
i dunno...
perhaps u pple out there could see better..
tell me what u guys saw..
if im realie forgetting him
or im juz not accepting the fact that i still love him..
that i just cannt forget him....

i tink im crushing somebody..
im not sure..
but
by right
i shldnt haf any reason to like him..
just chatted with him
that's all...
maybe its cosh of his determination..
his undying love for his gal..
i admire determine pple..
i guess im just lying to myself..
thinking that i realie need someone else to hlp me forget that jerk...
i dun tink im crushing him...
but i just have a feeling to wanna noe him better..
to understad him..
to be his very very close friend....

i dunno what im thinking of now...
i realie need pple out there who can see everything to tell me what's going on...
i need hlp....

Saturday, May 14, 2005

8:36 PM
but you never came...

ystd got co prom..

not too bad..

not too god...

ok lah..

juz tt i never get the lucky draw..

today went for ruan society..

quite fun..

cosh ish xiao zu..

zhang came..

n i saw sharon ang mei ling..

hahaX~

she was shocked tt i still remembers her name..

we went for lunch after that....

split into 3 groups..

wendy they all went pastamania..

yanhao they all went delifrance..

me ted andy n lip chiau went to swensons..

wendy they all very bad lorZ..

say wanna come eat ice cream..

we eat finish wait for them they never come..

they went to take neos lorX~

sh*t..

never call us go larX~

we still waiting for u all somemore..

damn..

why the hell am i always sho naive?!

a*s..

we went to find them larX~

then we waited waited for the to finish taking

then went home..

im sorry everyone..

i cannt keep my promise...

i cried again..

a lot today..

on the bus when we were going to j8..

when wendy asked about us...

when i saw him in front of me..

i cried..

just cried..

then when we got to j8..

when i remembered that time when we went to shop for bbq stuff..

when we were still together..

when we went to mcdonalds for dinner cosh 3 of us had gasteric..

when he sat beside me..

looking at me with those concerned eyes

when he tried stuffing fries in my mouth..

my eyes were wet..

but i tried to control..

when i got to pretty pix..

when i remembered when we first took our neos..

i cried like shit in that bloody shop..

wendy larhX~...

keep looking at me with those sad big sparking eyes..

like the puss in boots in shrek two..

i cried sho many times..

keep trying to control..

but it just came out lidat..

whenever i see him...

my tears just flow out lidat..

i dunno why..

im sorrie guys..

i promised i wun cry..

but i juz did...

i juz i realie cannt keep this promise anymore..

pls forgive me and allow me to break this promise..

its realie difficult..

seeing him happily chatting with all those gals..

all those poses when they took neos..

i duno how to react..

i was realie realie jealous..

seeing him with *******..

i noe they're just friends..

but i have a right to be jealous right?!

im not wrong by being jealous rite..

he said tt i was like a fountain..

but does he realise why i was lidat?!

he duno how i feel...

cosh he has never waited for anyone..

guess he realie feels happier after we broke..

he said he never noe how i feel..

he said i never ever tell him anything about y feelings..

he said i just noe how to shake my head when he asked..

but he dun even bother to try harder and find out..

he never knew when was my birthday..

i told him 3 times..

ever said that many many times to others..

in front of him..

but he stil ask me when is my bdae..

he never bothers to try find out..

thing that realie hurt me most was he bothers remembering his friend's bdae

but not mine..

even when we were together..

he could even remember huifang's bdae..

without ven looking at any calendar watsoeva..

by his memory..

and mine?!

he never bothers..

he said he was just friends with them..

just like me to ted and andy..

but i wasnt realie tt close to them..

u made me close to them..

cosh u were never around when i needed a shoulder..

and they were always there for me...

they understands me..

u dun..

at all..

u noe i have a blog..

u never bothered trying to read..

i tot this is a way tt u can noe how i feel?!

i told u b4..

u werent interested..

my eyes are alreadie swollen liao..

watched at the dolphine bay when i got home..

hai tun wan lian ren..

darn sad..

shit..

cried like siaow again..

den..

now..

my whole bed wet..

why?

cosh i watch it on my laptop..

on my bed..

and now..

blogging..

on my bed...

my whole bed realie wet liao..

im sorry..

i realie cannt stop crying..

i told myself i will never cry for him again...

but i let myself down..

si nian shi yi zhong zhe mo..

wang ji shi yi zhong tong ku...

therefore, i chose to wait... ... ...

Thursday, May 12, 2005

12:26 PM
but you never came...

yeah~

i've decided.

i will wait fer him..

i dun care wad u guys tink..

stupid

naive..

wadeva..

i dun care.....

im waiting...

haish..

1 more day to freedom..

geog n listening tml..

but im slacking.....

tml got co porn..

hahaX~

sho weird..

Sunday, May 08, 2005

5:33 PM
but you never came...

i hate u..

for all that u've done to me..

game's over..
player 1 aborted the game..
player 2's dying..

it's a game that lasted for such a short time...
started:22.12.2004
paused: 26.03.2005
continued: 02.04.2005
ended: 07.05.2005

i hate u...
5 times le..
i got into a relationship for 5 times..
n u hurt me for 5 times..
same guy..
haiX~...
foolishness of wad?
stupidity?

i duno wad i shld do..
wait or leave..
juz walk away..
back facing u...

stupid..
i told him i cut myself when i was playing..
he said he wanna break..
cosh he dun wan a gf who cuts herself..
he said tt he's afraid tt he'll hurt me nxt time...
pls..
u tink ure not hurting me now mehX?!
ure hurting me more than the deepest cuts i have..

steads...
arent they supposed to protect u from harm?!
why isnt he trying his best not to hurt me in future
but trying to hurt me now?!?
WHY?!

like what miss lei said..
guys below 18 think using their waist down..
i agree..
haish.....

Saturday, May 07, 2005

5:25 PM
but you never came...

hahahahahahaX~
amanda n ted ish here....
supposed to revise e maths..
but ended up playing.. using computer..

hahahahahaX~
we went to hack jr's friendster...
we changed his display pic..
to the one we took at the huqin bbq..
the one he came outa the toilet with towel around his waist..
hahaX~
sho farnie..
but..
dun wu hui..
ish yan hao take derhX..
den we oso changed his friendster layout the template..
to pink colour... :]

enuf of mean stuff liao..
yesterdae got SYCO prac..
sho darn farnie..
i asked riddle..
ma er chuan duan ku...
guess a cheng yu..
den xunqi say sexy horse..
hahaX~
siaow liao larhX...
since when did sexy horse become cheng yu?!?
hehX~

haiX~
oh...
i went tedsfriendster..
got bulletin..
damn farnie..
ish cinderella the hokkien version...

Let's have fun with hokkien, see u guysunderstand.
GSCE 'O' LevelsHokkien Exam Paper
Instructions:
1. Read the passage carefully
2. Grade yourself with the grading system attheend of the passage after reading.
3. Not that difficult, chin chai do lah !

Section A: Orrler Exeminetion (60 marks)

Question:Singalella why become rich ?

Koo zhar wu chee ay char bor kia, Singalella.
She got two sisters, but the stepmarder andthesisters all damn kuai-lan, so she quite zhia-latoso.

Last time Singalella got own maid, but now she become the amah.
Everyday must cook lah, clean lah, simi saimahbao-kah-liao.

If her sister say liak kar zhuak, she liak.
Tak jit zho kah tau-hin.
CPF poon boh.

But then, kay piak eh ah-pek got one son call Ah Ming got party.
So he say, "oeh, long chong lai ah."
Singalella very happy because she never go party before but then her step-marder say, "LeeMana eh-sai kee, this one bahru lu eh sisters wu standard."

Then Singalella must zho sui-sui for her sisters and step-marder.
Tap pai how, buay zhia, buay koon and buaypang-sai.

That night she only can wave bye bye and then she go back to the kitchen and cook Maggimee.

Her neighbour came over and ask, "Eh, an-zhua luboh kee party?"
So Singaalella kong, "I-wan, lau-bu kong buay-sai,so boh pian."
She never expect but the neighbour say,"Aiyah,kee lah, I give you money."

So singalella brush teef and zhang-zhui,chen-kor,after that look very different.

She quickly run to opposite of the beh-chia-lor,already 11 o'clock.
At the party, Ah Ming also quite sian because the char bor all boh sui one.
Dance floor even got one ah pek dancing.

Just as Ah Ming told himself, "Aiyah see-pay zhia-lat", Singalella came in.
Ah Ming straight away lau nuar.
"Wah-lau eh, see-pay heng ah, chee kor buaypai."

Ah Ming say to Singalella, "eh, sui eh, wah ai kah lee zho flen!"

Singalella say ok but Ah Ming like octopus,touch here touch there.
But then just it was 12 o'clock, one ah pek die on the dance floor.
He become ghost and tell Singalella all the good4D number.
So after that Singalella quickly go and buy 4D,and then tiok tau-pio, zhit-pak ban.

So she pay back the kay-piak eh lau-kay-poh and then kah kee cho sen-lee.
Simi kuan eh sen-lee wah mana eh zhai.

Section B: Grades - Gauge Your command ofHokkien....
A1. Can understand the story and pronounce Hokkien correctly.
Hokkien eh sai, bo beh zao.
A2. Can understand half story and/or cannot pronounce Hokkien properly.
zhia lat
E8. Don't understand story and/or catch no ball.l
eow leow, mai ka lang kong you is Hokkien Singabolean
F9. Don't understand rating.kee see lah, wah mana eh zhai le

ends here~

Sunday, May 01, 2005

6:45 PM
but you never came...

hehX..

went to his house yesterdae..

got bbq for huqin zu..

kaoX..

his house damn big!!!!!

budden..

his room damn small..

the size of my mum's room toilet..

hahaX~

he damn messy lorhX..

clothing here throw there throw..

haiX..

ur maid damn poor thing lehX..

hahaX~

i got there liao played a while bball den went outa buy drinks..

den stupid huiling cheat him into going back..

she call mi say something happened..

ask him faster go home..

budden..

is they wanna play his xbox..

haiz..

den they all play with his hugo boss..

kaoX..

sho stinko..

spray everywhere...

den we all camp in his room a while..

wha..

his pillow sho soft..

haiX..

xian mu xian mu..

he got alota bear bear lehX..

kaoX..

i jealous liao..

all zhar boh give one...

den..

we slack..

he pk n duno who else went to set up bbq stuff..

we slack in his room..

exploring..

playing his hu han rou $2000+3000 erhu..

den playing his new jinghu..

hahaX~

den we go play bball again..

den go eat liao..

wha..

pk at first DJ derhX..

he keep playing tong hua..

hahaX..

den swap DJ to duno hu..

anywayX...

first time i heard pu kuang sing lehX..

wha..

sho nice!!!

he realie can sing derh lorhX..

budden never sing out loud..

if he sing out loud horX,

wha tell u arhX..

all the gals out there will faint ah..

he beta den my ou xiang!!!!!!

den horX..

guang tian n some gals bbq-ed food first..

wha..

dint noe ggt sho good lorhX..

he know how to bbq lehX..

juz nice one somemore..

not like yan hao one..

all chao da...

ggt one all cooked..

den when junru took over..

haiX..

da shao ye wad..

all the stingray all not cooked derhX...

siaow..

open up liao all raw one..

haiX..

den pk did alot stuff..

he realie know how to bbq lehX..

den yan hao joke say pk's gf sure very lucky derhX..

haiX..

ya lorhX..

i agree..

da ge wad..

not like tt san di junru..

wha..

he gf very poor thing lorhX..

later stomach ache...

hahaX~

anyway...

sho sad..

andy gotta go home first..

haiX..

den we stay until very long..

den jr pk mh n me go play bball..

me n mh team..

wha..

can u believe it..

we won lehX~

siaow..

win pk.....

hahaX~

budden ish becoz jr always neva go in derhX...

den...

we went back n cleared the place..

siaow...

they all playing with ice!!!!

den jr kanna until siaow..

poor thing..

haiX..

yan hao larhX..

stupid..

bully him until lidat...

put ice in his underwear lehX..

hahaX~

sho farnie..

den we all go plan the dunking plan..

we go video the whole thing lehX..

lip chiau look into pool water..

jr n pk sneak up behind him and push him..

den they laf laf laf minghan push them from behind..

den i push minghan in..

hahaX~

stupid lorhX..

the video sho fast..

no suspense..

not nice..

hahaX~

den michelle kana pushed in..

den huiling after that oso kanna..

heng man..

i almost kanna..

i scream sia..

hold onto railing..

hahaX~

anywayX...

sian larhZ..

i went back early..

cosh hafta go home early..

later mum nag nag nag..

den frida dad fetch marhX..

den...

wendy they all stayed and watched spongebob movie..

till 1 plus den go home lehX...

wha.......

they sho lucky..

not fair..

budden...

it was enjoyable..

hahaX~